The End of an Era?

It's Tuesday, March 2nd, and I'm here in Psych class. Well, we're in the computer lab now and we just took an IQ test. I got a 125, which I'm pretty happy with. Anyway, lacrosse started yesterday and it was so intense. I'm questioning whether or not I can make it through the season. Chuck started freaking out yesterday when I practically keeled over, not being able to breathe. But it's something I wanna stick with. I don't like quitters and I don't wanna be one. Jump ahead now to March 7th. Wow, I've taken a lot of time in between this. In my defense, I have been rather busy. Lacrosse is in full effect, and it seems to be a lot harder than last year. I swear it feels like my coaches hate me. They're so obsessed with how fit a person is, which is important I know, but they don't even really care how well a person can play the sport. I feel I've grown a lot in the sport, in all areas, and I feel like they haven't noticed at all. Oh well. It's only like a week in and I have plenty of time to get into better shape and work harder, basically do all those little things I have to do to get their attention. Things are hectic at the house and I have like no free time. It all goes towards homework, or if I'm lucky, sleep. Also, it feels like, for the first time really, high school is coming to an end. Classes are growing meaningless, I don't care to do assignments, and I feel like friendships are coming to an end. This sucks. It's weird but a part of me REALLY wants to burn all my bridges, and start completely fresh somewhere else, like a whole new life. It's a bit of a scary thought, but I'm not even sure I've ruled it out yet. It's now Friday the 9th and I just got back from Amanda's. I can't shake this feeling like things aren't the same between us and they never will be again. I'd like to tell myself it's all in my head, but when I feel it weighing down on my chest like an anvil on a daily basis, well how can I be that naive? It's clear that things are different now and I hate that. I hate how I have this inability to change things, or make a move into a different direction. Sometimes, I feel like I haven't grown at all in my 4 years of high school. This is so stupid and frustrating. I know I should just talk to her about all this, but I can't. It's such a burden to carry but I guess I have to? I don't even know anymore. I only hope that this somehow all works out for the best and things can be...good, and normal, and regular, and all these basic things I can't even remember anymore. Is that so much to ask for? I got accepted into Albright College yesterday and Salisbury University today...wanted to make sure to squeeze that in lol. But maybe one of these places can be somewhere to start over anew. Peace and love.