Weening Off Friends

It's the strangest thing. In 1 month and 2 days, I leave the only thing I've known for the last....let's say 8 years. Delaware. Eww, right? A place I couldn't wait to leave from the moment I got here. And now as I prepare to take my next step in life, I noticed that I'm doing something that many have done before me, maybe without even giving it a second thought or realizing they were doing it. I'm weening off friends. And I just realized how little sense it makes. I guess I never noticed it because this is the way it's supposed to be? I mean, I figured, you graduate high school and some stay, some go, and that's the way it is. And I don't know if maybe it's cause I have shitty friends, or just cause we've been programmed to think that if someone is leaving for school, that's the end of the friendship? I'm moving to Reading, Pennsylvania to attend school at Albright College and it's only 1:30-2 hours away. There's no discernible reason why I shouldn't be able to stay in touch with most of the people I already do, but it seems like I'm going to be cut out of almost everybody's life and it sucks. Fast forward to August 20. I've really gotta get better at finishing these in a timely manner. But I suppose for a post like this it works well, this topic I mean. I leave in 3 days and I've recently gotten to say a lot of goodbyes which has been great, emotional, but great, and I'm feeling confident that I can maintain more friendships than I thought when I started writing this nearly a month ago. But this new hope is really only making me feel more naive. I doubt I'll talk to Ed or Rabi much anymore. Or the Whitesides. I mean these people weren't really close friends but it still sucks. I got to hang out with Caymen and Joey the other day and I had a blast but I also got the feeling I won't stay close with them. I doubt I'll see much of, or even talk much to, several people I was close to including Becca, Kelly, Dan, Austin, Steve, and Amanda, even though Amanda's a different story completely. I was left behind by her a long time ago, I just didn't really know it. As of right now I feel like I'm only leaving with 3 good friends, Kenny, Toby, and Kyle, and I don't see Kyle much now as it is. I don't know if it's as serious as trust issues, or just apathy, (which actually is pretty serious in my case as well), but I feel like I could remain friends with all these people if I just call every now and again to say hi or whatever, but it's my fear that they won't care or the bigger fact that I don't think any of these people I listed would call me first. I feel like if I never called any of these people again, they wouldn't think to call me either, that's a pretty abandoned feeling. It comes back to the fact that for as long as I've been friends with someone, I've always had to initiate it and keep it going, and I guess I've become embittered because I can't remember the last person I've really cared about who I hadn't talked to in awhile who contacted me to see me or ask how I was. I guess it's silly or whatever, but I hate continuing to be the one who's responsible to save the friendship. It would ensure that it's alive and well, but it would continue me feeling like they never gave a shit, and is that someone I still want to talk to? This point of view has kept me from getting too close to anyone since Junior year and it is still going. It's ruined friendships and now that I'm leaving it seems as though it will undoubtedly ruin more. Don't become like me and leave behind what's so very important. Sincerely, James Dempsey.

A Child's Eyes

When's the last time you looked at a child's eyes? An odd question I know, but really think about it. What is it that's so different between the eyes of a 4 year old and a 44 year old? Is it simply age? No. I submit to you that it is the experience of being witness to so many horrible sights and injustices in the course of our lives. It is not that we are embittered, no, I guess you could just say we know better, but that wouldn't be true either. Is it that children are hidden from the horrors of the world? Maybe. But the fact is I have still seen dying children with a smile on their face and a glimmer in their eye. Surely you can not tell me that these children do not know of pain, suffering, and injustice. What is it that changes as we mature that causes us to fear, mistrust, and throw up our defenses? I'm not suggesting that all children have the eyes of hope, as is the case that some adults do still carry the torch of hope in their eyes. Indeed, some children have lived lives that bring upon far too much pain and hardship, but how is it that most children do carry this glint in their eyes, a spark of hope if you will? Even if the reason children hold our hopes is because they don't know of the terrors of the world, why is it when we learn about them do we automatically become the victim of a most arresting grip of fear? I realized this sad observation a few weeks ago and it truly is disheartening to me. I guess it's not just the terrors of the world, but the stresses brought on by the increasing responsibilities we are burdened with as we age. We lose our carefree nature and worry to the point where we can't even see the simplistic joys of life. Maybe that's it. The loss of the spark is our becoming blind to goodness altogether. It's such a rare and uplifting occurrence to see people who haven't lost their glimmer. Please don't lose yours. Remember that there's more to life than money, bills, quotas, standards, and the responsibilities others put upon you. Just also make sure that your responsibilities are met, like entertaining your inner child. I guess these might be interpreted as the ramblings of a stupid kid, that as I grow old I'll realize this isn't feasible, and that my theory is but the aspiration of a daydream. I say to them, "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one." - John Lennon.