Rochambo

My current favorite song is "Rochambo" by Bayside. It's fast paced, has a catchy chorus, good hooks and is strong lyrically. Seems simple enough as to why I would like it so much. But not so fast. It seems that my brain may be picking up things subconsciously that I never even thought about. Perhaps there is much more to why I am listening to this song so frequently lately that goes beyond its surface characteristics. The chorus states that "It seems like we're all fighting to be more than who we are". If anything could sum up how I've been feeling lately, that'd be it. Recently, nothing seems good enough. Nothing I do or am doing, or nothing that is around me or in my life in general right now seems to be good enough, or even good at all. While that is admittedly a bit melodramatic to some extent, this period of my life really does appear to be a downward spiral. I feel like nothing I do is good enough, or ever will be. I set, and still maintain, such lofty goals for myself that lately I just feel destined for some sort of letdown. Financial burdens consume me on a day to day basis, and it seems like only more and more sacrifices can give me leeway, but it's just so much at this point, really too much. My life is in a rut right now, one that is very negative, and I've tried to ride out the storm, but while the storm may calm, while there are respites, it seems like what might be best for me now is a change. But changes don't come so easy, and are hard to control. Even harder still, what do I change? My, that's a dangerous question isn't it. I'd like to know, I suppose, but the answer to that question could yield terrifying results. But as a general note, it really does seem like many people try to be more than who they are, and I know that for me, especially lately, I just feel like I'm not learning enough, not doing enough, and just not living up to my potential in any aspect of my life. I probably shouldn't even be writing this, or at least not posting it. If I do, it's because initially I had good intentions for this, and didn't expect it to become such a whiny, negative examination of the current state of my affairs. If it is coming off that way, or even if it isn't, I don't want this to appear like a cry out for help to anyone who may end up reading this. On the other hand, while the world wide web may not be the best place to do this, this blog early on was a place for me to vent and bitch and be negative in general. So, if that works for me, and if someone does ever read this, I guess that should be okay. I mean, this blog is for me before others. I guess I just don't want this to be a place where I piss and moan all the time and people read about how down I feel on myself. After all, I do try and keep an upbeat persona. Or, actually I think facade is a better word than persona there. Yeah, change that to facade. Anyway, it just seems for me that it's easier to write about my problems than talk about them which is why this blog was previously so helpful for me, and why I wrote so frequently. I guess I shouldn't consider it a bad thing that I'm using this therapeutically, is it? I love the word therapeutic by the way. It just resonates the feel of calm and relaxation to me. I actually feel relief when I say or hear that word. Puts a smile on my face fo sho. Back to my point. Rochambo is the literal term for the game Rock, Paper, Scissors, and looking at this metaphorically, it almost seems as though this word, or the song itself (coming full circle to the start of my rant), is telling me to choose. But what?

Reviewing My Values: Patriotism

This past academic semester I pledged and was initiated into Alpha Sigma Phi Fraternity. Along with the opportunities presented to me of brotherhood and bettering the man, Alpha Sigma Phi also carries with them their five values: Silence, Honor, Purity, Charity, and Patriotism. These values were taught and in a way passed down to me, instilled through pledging, and I now try and guide my life by them. On a day unlike any we've ever seen in our great nation's history, I wanted to focus on one of my values: patriotism. It was on this day we saw our first African American President sworn in to office. He was welcomed with open arms, by the arms of a nation that was hurt, down on its luck and its spirits, and looking for change, and for hope. Today, this country put faith in a man, and they did so on a promise. A promise of hope. A promise that no doubt needed faith and belief in that very promise that was being made, and by who was making it. What I realized today as I watched the inauguration ceremonies on television, what made me reflect on my value of patriotism and what made me want to write this was that, today we as a nation opened our arms, our hearts, our minds, and our belief systems, to a man because we believed in him as a leader and as a source of change for our betterment. I felt so proud to be an American today and felt so optimistic about our future for the first time in a while. I felt this way because for the first time today I felt as though it was more important that Barack Obama would be our beacon of hope, our gaurdian from those that want to harm us, and our face of change rather than a black guy who was making history just for being President. Today I felt like he was making history for being an embodied, personified spirit of the change we want to, and need to believe in right now, and not simply making history just because he won as a minority, as momentous and important as that still is. I saw a nation that welcomed a President not for being different from them, but for being the same. For believing the same things they do, and for putting a trust in our government after many of us had lost that sense of trust, some maybe even vowing to never again renew that trust. Although I have known for some time that Obama has transcended race, I always felt that it was more important that he was our first black President rather than the right man for the job. I knew that wasn't right, that it wasn't the way it should be, but finally came the day when I saw a country truly stand behind a leader and let race go. Race should never matter. And that was what I saw today.

P.S. Before I sign off on this, I just want to mention that this made me happy for a few other reasons: if you're reading this, you probably assume by now I am a HUGE Barack supporter and have believed in him and this country's backing of him all along....Well, you couldn't be more wrong. While, yes it is true I was very anti-Bush, I was not entirely sold on Mr. Obama either. I voted for him mainly because of Joe Biden and his vast amount of experience with foreign affairs (which is what I thought was one of our most urgent issues) and also because I really did believe that McCain symbolized a sign of a monotony, that things would stay the same and he enable of adapting to find the modern solutions that we need to solve our modern problems. That being said, I know our problems are bigger than one man, and they won't be solved quickly, which is frankly why I was so skeptical of Obama during the campaigns. I felt like while he may not have been outright saying it, it seemed as though many of his supporters almost blindly believed that things WOULD all be solved right away and ALL by Mr. Obama, which made me nervous. Mr. Obama based his entire campaign on hope, and while hope can be a miraculous thing, it can also be a very dangerous thing. I was afraid that if things didn't improve right away, people would call for his head and this country would be even worse off than it is now. Fourtunately, I was finally able to believe that his change is possible, because of the amazing support shown by millions of Americans across the country today. And that's what made me so happy. While we may not have all agreed with his policies or his politics, we showed an overwhelming amount of support today that we as a nation want a change. And furthermore that we can change. We already have. Today I can believe in his change because I saw it for myself. I saw a nation that was hurting put aside their differences and stand behind a President, our leader, something we have not done as a majority since Spetmeber 11, 2001. One man can't solve all of our problems, but a nation reunited CAN make a change. I'm so proud to be an American today. Stand behind our President. Believe in America. That is when you will see the change. Today was Day One.


- Jimmy