First Blog

So, this is my first blog and I just wanted a place to put some of my thoughts down. I've seen blogs other places and I've always been intrigued by them. They seem like online diaries which would seem to fit me perfectly. The only thing I'm afraid of is that I don't want this to become a place where I just bitch, even though I assume it will be. Anyway, the past couple days of my life have been hard. My mom is struggling and I got denied from two colleges in the same day, one of them being my first choice. It's my own fault for not doing better and I know that but going to college is what Ive wanted since before I can remember wanting it and even though I'm not really afraid of fucking up later in life like some of my peers are it's just that until like my sophomore year of high school I was so smart and did so well. Then I just started getting lazy and my grades fell a bit. Anyway, two days ago I was rejected from the University of Maryland and it was a serious reality check. I feel like all these things I've worked towards have gone to nothing. I was preparing to start my homework tonight and I was like "What's the point? What is this going towards?" I don't wanna make myself out to be a saint but I am a good kid. I help my mom, I'm always there for my friends, I don't smoke, I rarely drink, I hang out with the right kids...my whole life I've done the right things and now I'm questioning what is was for and it doesn't feel good. Anyone who's questioned themselves or their choices can relate I'm sure. It's been really hard to motivate myself lately when it's becoming more and more likely I will go to a college I don't even want to go to and be miserable. Luckily I have some good friends and family who have cheered me up a bit, enough to where I can put my bullshit aside and do what I need to. I'm just sorta afraid of failing and disappointing myself and my supporters, so to speak. Not little failures, of course, we all have those, but the big things, the big picture. All I can do, which is what I have tried to do, is say Fuck that, I know I'll be okay, because I'm James Dempsey. This is a set back and we all have them, but I know my brother Jason is watching over me and I know I can't fail him. He'd kick my ass if I did anyhow. Well, I guess enough's enough for round one of my blog. Signing off for now. Peace.