Rochambo

My current favorite song is "Rochambo" by Bayside. It's fast paced, has a catchy chorus, good hooks and is strong lyrically. Seems simple enough as to why I would like it so much. But not so fast. It seems that my brain may be picking up things subconsciously that I never even thought about. Perhaps there is much more to why I am listening to this song so frequently lately that goes beyond its surface characteristics. The chorus states that "It seems like we're all fighting to be more than who we are". If anything could sum up how I've been feeling lately, that'd be it. Recently, nothing seems good enough. Nothing I do or am doing, or nothing that is around me or in my life in general right now seems to be good enough, or even good at all. While that is admittedly a bit melodramatic to some extent, this period of my life really does appear to be a downward spiral. I feel like nothing I do is good enough, or ever will be. I set, and still maintain, such lofty goals for myself that lately I just feel destined for some sort of letdown. Financial burdens consume me on a day to day basis, and it seems like only more and more sacrifices can give me leeway, but it's just so much at this point, really too much. My life is in a rut right now, one that is very negative, and I've tried to ride out the storm, but while the storm may calm, while there are respites, it seems like what might be best for me now is a change. But changes don't come so easy, and are hard to control. Even harder still, what do I change? My, that's a dangerous question isn't it. I'd like to know, I suppose, but the answer to that question could yield terrifying results. But as a general note, it really does seem like many people try to be more than who they are, and I know that for me, especially lately, I just feel like I'm not learning enough, not doing enough, and just not living up to my potential in any aspect of my life. I probably shouldn't even be writing this, or at least not posting it. If I do, it's because initially I had good intentions for this, and didn't expect it to become such a whiny, negative examination of the current state of my affairs. If it is coming off that way, or even if it isn't, I don't want this to appear like a cry out for help to anyone who may end up reading this. On the other hand, while the world wide web may not be the best place to do this, this blog early on was a place for me to vent and bitch and be negative in general. So, if that works for me, and if someone does ever read this, I guess that should be okay. I mean, this blog is for me before others. I guess I just don't want this to be a place where I piss and moan all the time and people read about how down I feel on myself. After all, I do try and keep an upbeat persona. Or, actually I think facade is a better word than persona there. Yeah, change that to facade. Anyway, it just seems for me that it's easier to write about my problems than talk about them which is why this blog was previously so helpful for me, and why I wrote so frequently. I guess I shouldn't consider it a bad thing that I'm using this therapeutically, is it? I love the word therapeutic by the way. It just resonates the feel of calm and relaxation to me. I actually feel relief when I say or hear that word. Puts a smile on my face fo sho. Back to my point. Rochambo is the literal term for the game Rock, Paper, Scissors, and looking at this metaphorically, it almost seems as though this word, or the song itself (coming full circle to the start of my rant), is telling me to choose. But what?