I'm Just A Man

Although I hate doing this, I am going to start a new blog before finishing one I previously started. It was started ages ago anyway and seems like it will never be completed. Besides, I NEVER get the inspiration to write anymore and I do now so I figured I'd probably better seize it. Who knows when it will come again? I've decided to entitle this piece "I'm Just A Man" for two main reasons. Firstly, the title is inspired by (aka stolen) a song by The Classic Crime with the same name, and secondly because as I was singing the song a cappella to myself just a little bit ago and looking at the "Faces of Albright"(a program on Albright's website showcasing our 'best and brightest' I guess you could say; really it's more or less our more active student body) and I had this kind of paranormal thought, an epiphanic realization of sorts. I was looking at the student's blogs and info and reading these dreams and hopes and career plans, and I just kinda froze thinking to myself, "wow, look at how much is expected of us....look how much WE expect of us." We go through life with so much responsibility and ambition and as I was looking over these pedigrees it just dawned on me how it seems like most of us, and by most I mean nearly every single one of us, will always have to keep pushing forward, always have to answer to someone higher, always have to take on a new and more urgent and important responsibility and so on. I was reading these, mostly skimming really, just looking at the few word question and answers and catching a word or two in a paragraph but I realized that I think only one person of the maybe five or six people I looked at put that that they wanted to be happy in their future dreams or whatever it was. Actually, I think it may have even been my friend Brian Benusa. I was so happy when I saw that. Of the several faces I looked at, only one person cared enough about happiness in their future to write it down. Outstanding. I was so humbled by that though. Humbleness is my favorite quality in a person. When I'm around humble people, I feel humble myself, which is in turn a humbling feeling, no pun intend. Anyway, knowing myself, if I was asked a simple question like that, I'd probably give a simple answer, without even really thinking much about it. I'd probably talk about a job, a family, and money, but it's entirely possible happiness would be left out. I thought it was great that in this work-a-day world someone could still remember that whatever it is that they are doing in their future, even if life takes its twists and turns(which it will), that even if the best laid plans of mice and men do go a wry, that happiness still matters. Not your dream job or all the money in the world, but the humbleness of happiness. Anyway, I just went back to the Albright Faces page: of the 16 people I looked at, only two wrote happiness in their career goals, Brian Benusa and Christina Reimer. Now, before I go on, I don't want it to seem like I'm knocking these people at all, because that certainly isn't the case. As I said before, I probably wouldn't put happiness either. It was simply an observation I made. But moving on from that. Back to the whole "Just A Man" theme I was trying to follow but pretty much didn't at all. This has thus far just been ranting. I usually blog with an idea or format in mind, but this was just venting, so to speak. It's just when I was thinking to myself earlier, I realized that there is so much asked of us, despite how easy living in a country and society that is built like ours is, we never really seem to just simply be able to slow things down. I mean...I feel like, very helpless...and vulnerable a lot. Like there's so much I have to do but only so much that I can do, or that there are simply things I just can't do. I often feel like there is so much more expected of me than I will ever be able to reach. Is it okay if I don't reach all these expectations? Is it acceptable to just be myself, do the best I can and hope in the end that I am happy. That I'm happy with others. Others are happy for me. And I am happy for and with myself. Because I'm getting older, in a way, I am receiving increasing responsibilities and it seems like there is always going to be far more than I can handle. I think that is often the case for most of us. We are called upon to do more than we can and have to sacrifice more than we'd like to. I'm not sure what this was intended to mean, and I realize that this may even sound a bit naive, like I'm just realizing life is tough or something, but my meaning, which seems to elude me, is much more than that. I guess you could say that, for most people, our best case scenarios, hypothetically, would be to always have something to do. Always be busy, always be working. Most people would value constant ambition and I guess I'm commenting on how trapping that seems to me. This society, at least most of us in it, would look down upon someone who isn't employed, isn't "contributing to society", isn't doing more for someone else, and essentially not focusing on themselves or their happiness. Truly blessed are those who love what they do, but rare are people who love what they do and earn a decent living by it. Yet those who are happy with what they do, if they aren't "reaching their full potential", or are content with being minimalistic, are sen as lazy and even weak-willed. I guess I just feel that it's a shame that collectively we will value a cold hearted businessperson as better than a humble free thinker who works as a librarian, for example. I envy those above all else who are just happy with who they are and what they have. I'm not one of those people yet, but I strive to be like that more and more each day. I guess the best way to end this monologue, which is why I started it would be with a question, or maybe several: What happenes if I never meet my goals? What if I don't become a huge success? Is it okay to try your best even if the result is failure? Can I ever be as accepted for my efforts as for my achievements? Will I ever be able to meet others' expectations? Or even my own? What if I just do what I can and try my hardest to just be myself? Is it okay to be just a man? After all, I'm just a man.